As a project manager, I’ve learned that the average PM spends 90% of his/her time on communication. I’d like to think that over the years, my communication skills have improved. Whereas in past jobs I tended to speak in a relatively brash manner, I’ve had to adjust to the “smoothing” culture characteristic of Dana-Farber.
Then a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a member of my project team in the presence of the project sponsor.
I said: “I will of course clear it with you first.”
I meant: “I’m going to do this but I’ll let you know before I do it.”
The sponsor shared later: “I wouldn’t have said it like that. I would have said, ‘I’m going to do this; I’ll let you know how it goes.’ As it is, the team member probably heard: ‘If she decides to do this, I will have plenty of time to decide if it’s OK.’”
I was truly surprised. “Wow,” I said. “I thought I was being very forthright, while respecting the other person’s boundaries.”
But it turns out the sponsor was right; my subtlety was lost on the recipient.
In fact, I had to admit that many of the project tasks weren’t getting done as quickly or efficiently as I would have liked. I wondered how much of that could be due to an over-corrected communication style. Had I gone too far the other way?
I looked back to a helpful presentation one of my colleagues had done for our group on cross-cultural communication styles. He quizzed us on where we stood on a spectrum of communication approaches, on which “clear language and making tasks clear” was on the left side, and “leaving room for interpretation and emphasis on relationship” was on the right.
It turned out I was somewhat right of center, while the rest of my colleagues were quite far to the left. Then came the surprise: The USA and Germany were in the far left range; whereas the UK was slightly right of center (Mexico and the eastern nations were on the far right). I was especially amused—and impressed—by the handout at the end: “What British people say vs. what they really mean”
A couple of examples:
The Brit says: “I would suggest…”
The Brit means: “Do it or be prepared to justify yourself.”
The American hears: “Think about the idea but do what you like.”
The Brit says: “I was a bit disappointed.”
The Brit means: “I am annoyed.”
The American hears: “It doesn’t really matter.”
Yes, this was similar to the reactions I had been receiving from team members when I asked whether their action items were done.
An important skill of the project manager is diplomacy. That doesn’t mean that diplomats are always “nice”. One of the definitions of diplomacy is “skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility”. The amount of space between “being nice” and “not being mean” is pretty broad. In the next few weeks, I’ll be relying on my project sponsor to reel me in from the QE2 back to our side of the pond.