How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Okay, Sandra. If you promise to read the entire blog, I am going to give you the answer up front so you don’t fear you’ll get to the bottom only to find out there is no answer.

Here you go . . . the answer is five.

Why five you ask?

• Each of the five introverts takes a place in the room farthest from every other introvert, and the 5^th will end up in the middle of the room near enough to the lightbulb to change it.

Another possibility . . .

• Just one, but three will show up with a new lightbulb because they wouldn’t talk to anyone else about their plans.

Or how about . . .

• None. Having the lights on just makes more people come and visit.

I am not an introvert by any stretch of the imagination, but being an extrovert wouldn’t be my first choice. I don’t like being an extrovert, but it seems that I cannot help it because it is part of my wiring.

In my earliest memories (age four or so), I recall striking up conversations with complete strangers and I know why I did it. I thought that I was helping them. I interpreted their silence and neutral emotion as discomfort, and my mission was to make them feel okay, one introvert at a time. This practice carried over into adulthood and for years, I remained steadfast in my thinking that I was doing the introverts of the world a favor.

Recently, I searched the web to help me understand the characteristics of each personality type, hoping to modify my personality a bit. I came across many attempts at humor, not just introvert humor. See if you can figure out who this targets . . .

• I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

OUCH! That hurt and only made me more compelled to find a balance between the two personality types.

Not undaunted, I continued my search, typed “25 extrovert”, and found many lists –

• 25 Frustrating Things about being an Extrovert
• 17 Graphs that will help you Understand your Extroverted Friends
• 7 Signs you’re an Awkward Extrovert

Lists about extroverts mentioned things such as word-vomit, people pleasers, shallow – you get the picture. Can an extrovert change? There are far more articles about how an introvert can become an extrovert. I would be very happy to find a blend of both personalities. If I were an introvert, I expect that I would be less likely to make a cringe-worthy social gaffe “open mouth, insert foot”.

Through this journey, memories have worked their way to the surface. When I was 12, I suffered two deeply traumatizing events that slapped the extrovert right out of me. I withdrew for approximately two years. I am not saying that I had become an introvert. I did not. But I certainly wasn’t myself; the extrovert inside me had gone dormant for a while.

So how did I revive my inner extrovert? The trigger was that I left New England and visited my father and sister in Florida. I had never been past New York state, so it was a surprise to see how friendly people were down south. I saw extroverts – they were everywhere!

When I returned home and started my freshman year in high school, I had an epiphany. I realized that many New Englanders surround themselves with walls. I felt I was responsible for my walls, not the person next to me. I believed (still do) that my life would be richer with human interaction, so I decided to make an effort to make eye contact and say hello. If my hello went unanswered, then I would move on and try not to take it personally.

Back then, I was what I would call an oblivious extrovert; in my opinion, the worst kind. I am embarrassed to say that I didn’t appreciate my introverted friends and acquaintances until I was in my 50s. I thought they were just shy. I was fortunate enough to participate in webinars and trainings that opened my eyes and changed my thinking.

I believe it is never too late to change.

What I plan to embrace –

• My ability to break the ice (used in moderation)

Five dos and don’ts for this enlightened extrovert –

• Do be more sensitive – Not everyone wants the ice broken.
• Don’t feel compelled to rescue the introverts of the world – Introverts don’t need me to make them feel better. My small talk is probably making me feel better, not them. It could even make them feel worse
• Do be more observant – Research has shown that introverts exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.
• Do give others a chance to speak first – Sit back and really listen and process what is being said.
• Don’t think out loud – It’s called brainstorming, not mouth storming!
• And don’t forget to apply filters – Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it funny (use this one sparingly)?

I do sincerely apologize to all the introverts that I may have annoyed along the way. Being the extrovert that I am, I’d love to hear thoughts from introverts and extroverts so I can continue to learn and grow.