A Light Bulb Moment

We see it in movies, cartoons, books, and sometimes with other people, but I am here to say, “light bulb” moments happen. I wouldn’t go as far to say it was an epiphany. This was more a complete change in mindset.

Over the last 5 years I battled some demons of comparing myself to others. I blame myself for reading too many stories on LinkedIn and YouTube influencers who quit their job and “followed their dream”.

A few months ago, that all ended.

I wasn’t comparing myself to older or younger people, just people my age. I felt so many had “more success” than me. This wasn’t jealousy. This felt like failure. Almost like in school where everyone moved on to the next grade, but I was kept back (for the record, that never happened to me, it’s just the best analogy I could think of).

I compared where I was in my career to people I went to college with, to close friends, and former co-workers. Some started their own companies, while others moved up the proverbial corporate ladder and now had executive titles with high six-figure and even a few seven-figure salaries, (not to mention the huge bonuses on top of it). Some reinvented themselves and became doctors (MDs and/or PhDs) or moved to Europe to start fresh. So where did I go wrong? What steps did I miss?

October of 2021 my opportunity came out of the blue when a recruiter from Colorado pitched me a Senior Director role for a medical service organization, with a promising path to becoming a Vice President within a year of joining the company. I wasn’t looking for a new position but felt like this was my chance. It was my shot! How could I pass this up? Finally, I would have the title, the compensation, the feeling of success, and the feeling I was on par or close to par with others my age who I deemed successful.

Fast forward to August of 2022. I ended up leaving that company still a Senior Director. Not only was I bored and unchallenged, but I was also strung along being told, “The promotion will come eventually”. After I gave my notice, the CIO of the company called me twice to get me to come back, with the guaranteed offer of the VP title and a significant bump in my salary; and for a day, I thought about it. I texted him back and said thank you, but no.

So, what changed? I thought about why I joined, and left the company, and if more money and a title like Vice President would make me happy. Then I began thinking about the people I was comparing myself to. I realized I didn’t care what their job title was, or if they could easily afford a new Model S Tesla, or if they owned a 3900 square foot house with a 4-car garage. And if I didn’t really care about what they had, why would they care about my job title, or what I had? They wouldn’t!

They might say, “Congratulations on the promotion” or, “Beautiful home” or “Wow, nice car!”, but 2 seconds later, they would move on with their day and not give it a second thought.
This was my light bulb moment – that no one would care. It felt like 10,000 pounds was lifted off my chest and my mind. I had brought this on myself. In the past I felt like I had failed to keep pace, but the feeling vanished in an instant.

Now, I measure success in job satisfaction, staying healthy, time with my family, my kids and my wife, knowing that I contribute to the greater society in a meaningful and purposeful way (and teach my kids to grow and do the same). I feel privileged to wake up in the morning excited about my job, and the people I get to work with. When I go to bed, I don’t have stress created from a bad job or work environment, or that I’m not keeping up with the Joneses.

I no longer compare, and it’s relieved me of a lot of anxiety and questioning. I feel liberated. I’ve been reading and hearing about this for years. Speakers from Ted Talks or psychologists who tell us not to compare because it’s toxic. Or posts on social media reminding us that our health and happiness are more important than money and a job that keeps us away from our family and special moments. Or “success” is how you define it. For some reason I ignored these messages.

I’ll end with this. I’m not one for complacency. I want to be promoted, and take on greater responsibility and challenges, but for the right reasons. Not for money or prestige, but so I can lead and create positive change that benefits the community and our mission, and not just me.