Lately, our dog Colby has been waking up in the middle of the night barking. Colby is a pug so he is both opinionated and weird. The event usually goes something like this:
Colby: bark, bark, bark
Me: shhhhhhh…
Colby: bark, bark, bark, bark, bark
Me: …shuuuushhhhhh up, there’s nothing there.
Colby: Wake up, idiot.
Me: What is it? You’re going to wake up mom, there’s nothing there.
Colby: There are squirrels out there.
Me: uuggh, no there aren’t, and even if there were it’s 3:30am, the squirrels are all sleeping.
Colby: No they are in the trees. And according to the RACI chart, I am responsible for Squirrel Deterrence.
Me: So what, I’m accountable on that chart and I don’t care.
Colby: No, you’re not accountable. You are not the project Sponsor, mom is, so she is “accountable”. And as the Project Manager for the Squirrel Intrusion Project I’m accountable to her. You’re just the Business Owner. The RACI chart says you get consulted. You are being “consulted” now… bark, bark
Me: Don’t get all PMBOK on me, pug. The Business Requirements Document states that Squirrel Deterrence is only required during daylight hours.
Colby: There are squirrels out there right now. We need to add night-time Squirrel Deterrence to the Project Plan.
Me: You know what I’m going to say right now…
Colby: Don’t say it!
Me: …this is Scope Creep
Colby: I said don’t say it… bark, bark…This is a serious issue, you know.
Me: It’s not an issue, it’s a risk. Do you know the difference?
Colby: Blah, blah, blah, whatever. The squirrels are out there, it’s a certainty, I’m telling you.
Me: Did you do your Probability x Impact score for the Risk Management Plan?
Colby: Yes, geez what am I, stupid? Probability is 1 million percent x Impact is total catastrophe if the squirrels get anywhere near the house. You do the math, dummy. It all adds up to night-time Squirrel Deterrence.
Me: None of this was in the Project Charter.
Colby: Well we should just change the charter.
Me: ugghh, we cannot change the charter, we’ve been over this a million times.
Colby: Well, I don’t have a PMP so I can do whatever I want.
Me: Just go back to sleep.
Colby: Well, this has been constructive, I‘ll type up the minutes and post them in Livelink. Good work team. Can I have a blueberry now?
Me: Later.