On the Critical Path

I’ve never been big on making New Year’s resolutions and I see no reason to change for 2021.  What I have usually done is make a list of books I want to read in the new year.  For me it’s a form of New Year’s resolution.  Here are some of the non-fiction books that are on my list for this year.  Some of these I’ve already read and I feel the need to reread as I recuperate from an emotionally exhausting 2020.  Others are books that are new to me.

“Designing Your Life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.  The tagline under the title says, “How to build a well-lived and joyful life”.  Sounds like something I want!  This is the sort of book that you work through by doing the exercises, and then work through again and again to ensure that your life continues to be well-lived and joyful.  There are many nuggets of advice and wisdom scattered throughout this book; a couple of my favorites are:

• “Your life is not a thing, it’s an experience; the fun comes from designing and enjoying the experience.”
• “It’s never too late to design a life you love.”

Reassuring words, especially as I look forward to 2021.

“Better” by Atul Gawande.  I have read this book a few times over the last few years and I learn something new with each reread.  His suggestions for concrete actions to take in order to become a “positive deviant” give me something to actually DO during these tumultuous times.  Here are Gawande’s five suggestions for becoming a positive deviant:

• Ask an unscripted question
• Don’t complain
• Count something
• Write something
• Change

Even though I’m not a physician, I can think of myriad ways to incorporate these suggestions into my job and life.

I have always enjoyed reading books by Paul Farmer so his newest book, “Fevers, Feuds, and Diamonds”, is on my list.  In this book Farmer blends medical history and anthropology to describe the origins of the 2014 Ebola epidemic which also has useful lessons for life during the COVID-19 pandemic.

I love a good spy story so I’m looking forward to reading “Agent Sonya” by Ben Macintyre.  This book tells the true story of one of the most important female spies in history.  Her real name is Ursula Kuczynski and during World War II she was living in England with her husband and children and working as a machinist.  She was really a high-ranking Soviet intelligence officer responsible for managing agents across Europe with the goal of gathering the scientific secrets that would enable the Soviet Union to build a nuclear bomb.

Lest I forget some of the hard lessons of 2020, I plan to reread “Plagues and Peoples” by William McNeill.  This book, originally published in the 1970’s, traces how infectious disease has impacted and altered human history.

That should give me enough to think about for the first few months of the year.  And I have another list of fiction books that I intend to plow through!

What would you do if your worst nightmare became your reality? Do you panic? Do you fight? Give up? Are you optimistic, looking on the bright side and having faith that everything will be alright? Are you pessimistic, beating yourself up? Do you cry and ask yourself how your life just turned upside-down in a matter of minutes? The truth is somewhere between you don’t know and all the above. I believe that your character is defined by the critical events in your life and those events shape your life in a new direction. You don’t know really know how you will react until you are in that position and experience it in the moment.

We have all been affected by COVID-19 in one way or another. Some have been affected because either they or someone they know was laid off from their job. Some have dealt with schedule changes due to kids not being in school and having to figure out how they are going make things work. Some are having a hard time adjusting to all this change, which has taken an emotional toll. Others have been affected physically–either they or a loved one contracted the virus.

For me, someone very close to me was infected with the virus. I remember the day we got the test results that my wife was positive for coronavirus. My heart sank. I was at a loss for words. The whole world felt like it was closing in on me. Thoughts like, how could this be? Was there anything that I could have done to prevent this? Why me and why my wife? Then I remembered the words of Les Brown, who said if you find yourself in a tough situation and ask yourself why is this happening to me, instead ask: Why not you? Then I asked a different question: How are we going to get through this and what can I do to help? The only words that I managed to get out were, “Why didn’t this happen to me?” My wife looked at me puzzled and said, “What do you mean? If it was you then you would be complaining and whining about how sick you are the whole time, and I wouldn’t be able to stand you.” She smiled. I smirked. Then my mind went back to thinking the worst that could happen and what I could do to help her. I spent days and sleepless nights researching the virus symptoms and cures. Suddenly, the thought of losing my wife came over me. I paused, stopped reading, closed the laptop lid, and started crying.

The next day, I decided to take my son to the park to take my mind off what was going on while my in-laws watched my wife. As we were leaving the park, I saw my father-in-law sprinting towards me. As he got closer, I saw his frantic face. He caught up to me and said, “She can’t breathe!” In a split second, I told my father-in-law to watch my son and ran the fastest that I have run in my life. When I got to the house, she was laying down on the couch gasping for air. I called 911. Ambulance and firetrucks immediately came and took her to the hospital. I followed the ambulance and realized that I couldn’t even go inside to be with my wife when she needed me most. Tears came to my eyes as I thought to myself, what if today was the last time I saw my wife? Moments later, my mother-in-law called as I wiped the tears from my eyes. My 5-year-old son was on the phone and asked, “Daddy when are you coming home? When is Mommy coming home? Is she okay?” I told him Mommy was okay and we’d be home soon. I called the hospital, who connected me to my wife’s room. My wife answered and said, “I’m okay. I got some fluids and an oxygen mask to help me breathe. The doctor said I’ll be fine and that these are the symptoms of coronavirus. They’re going to do some x-rays then I will be discharged. I will let you know when I am ready to leave, so we can meet outside.”

I was relieved and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. My wife came out of the hospital and I greeted her with a smile, hugged her, told her I was so glad that she was okay. She said, “Me too!” As we were driving home, I realized how quickly your life can be turned upside-down and your worst nightmare can become your new reality. This experience reminded me that I can lose someone that I love at any moment and that life is short. I told myself that I would focus more on what gives me meaning, and that is family. I now make it a habit to let my family know how much they mean to me and spend more time with them.