On the Critical Path

Today is June 1st and you’ve probably noticed a big uptick of rainbow flags everywhere, including on Jimmy Fund Way outside the Dana lobby. I bet, if you look around, you’ll see them waving in the breeze through the entire month and wherever you may roam.

Why? Today marks the start of Pride Month across Boston, New England, and much of the country.

Just a few days earlier my wife and I kicked off the start of summer with a splash in our backyard pool and we revel daily as we watch our gardens come alive with bursts of color from poppies, peonies, roses, clematis, lilies, lupines, rhododendrons, and much more. Pride flags just seem to fit into the explosions of color around us and it makes me wonder who came up with such a great plan to coincide pride month with the start of summer.

I’ll admit, I acknowledge that I’ve been taking Pride Month for granted for a very long time. So much so that I didn’t quite realize that it’s no happy coincidence that Pride Month and summer start dovetail together. It’s far more historically significant than that.

I know you’ve heard of the Summer of ’69, for good or for bad. Could be you love the Bryan Adam’s song of the same name. You may remember, or have read about: the Woodstock music festival at Yasgur’s Farm in New York State; the Apollo 11 crew took one giant leap for mankind with the first ever moon landing; President Nixon started withdrawing troops from Viet Nam and Muhammed Ali was convicted as a draft dodger; the Manson Family murders terrified Los Angeles; the Miracle Mets began their runup to a World Series Championship; the last television episode of (original) Star Trek aired on NBC; The Who released the rock opera Tommy, still one of my favorite albums of all time; I was born…

It was also on June 28th in NYC that the Stonewall Uprising occurred, starting six days of protest in Manhattan. On the famed Christopher Street in Greenwich Village, the Stonewall Inn was a mob-controlled local bar where gay persons could meet and be themselves, undeniably risky back then. In the early morning hours, city police conducted a raid and began arresting patrons. This time people protested and fought back, and the gay rights movement was launched. One year later, to mark the Stonewall Uprising anniversary, the first Pride March was held; a decade later, Pride went national. And this year, 2022, NYC’s Pride March will commemorate Stonewall’s 53rd anniversary.

Why is this important and why am I writing about this? This week I received a strong reminder of why things Pride flags, marches, parades are important.

I’m writing this blog from the Jersey Shore where I grew up and lived for most of my life. The wife of one of my very best friends died last week and I’m here today for the funeral. I’ll be ironing and getting dressed to go pay my respects just as soon as I’m done writing this. Theirs is a beautiful love story. Suzanne and Debbie met and quickly fell in love nineteen years ago. I remember the first time Suzanne introduced me to her, we met up at a hip then-new Mediterranean restaurant in Asbury Park, next door to the neighborhood gay bar Georgie’s where I often played pool and tormented the crowds on karaoke night. They came to my wedding in Boston in 2010 and my wife Sue and I attended their wedding here in New Jersey almost eight years ago. Both would say they were “late bloomers” and were so grateful and joyous to have finally found each other. They were happy and they were perpetually in love. No matter who you are, and who you choose to love in your own life, I feel safe to say that theirs is an example we could all do well to follow and learn from.

Debbie was very sick and hospitalized or in a skilled nursing facility for five months, almost to the day. It’s been an unimaginable experience for Suzanne and their families. When Suzanne called and informed me of Debbie’s passing, she first estimated that the funeral would be on Memorial Day. When we spoke again a day or so later, I learned that the funeral was confirmed for today, June 1st. I guessed that the change of dates was due to travel scheduling and the like. But no, there was a much better and well thought out reason. The start of Pride Month.

Though just in her late 60’s, Debbie did not get to live her truth as a gay woman until much later in life and not much sooner than before she met and fell in love with Suzanne. For many – not all, unfortunately – the road to LGBTQ acceptance has been getting mostly smoother as each year of Pride goes by. But it’s not been a road without major potholes and challenges along the way, for most anyone who is LGBTQ.

Debbie loved Pride. She loved the Asbury Park Pride Parade and she loved knowing she could be her authentic self. Without Stonewall, without 53 years of Pride, would our lives be as good? Would we be able to live as our authentic selves safely and freely? Would we each have found the love that suits us? I honestly do not know.

Suzanne did know that her beloved wife would have absolutely loved that we will say goodbye and raise our glasses of a little Canadian Whisky in her honor today, the first day of Pride Month 2022.

This is the story of yet another unintended consequence of the Covid pandemic.

My father passed away of dementia in February 2019 at the age of 93.  While we were sad to lose him we were happy that he was released from this life.  We had a memorial service for him in July of 2019, my mother moved away from Cape Cod where she and my father had been living, and my four siblings and I started to close that chapter in our lives.

My father’s end of life wishes, documented years ago, were to donate his body to medical research and then when they were done with him, he wished to be cremated and his ashes spread at locations important to him.

On the day of his death, within a couple of hours after he passed away, he was brought up to a Boston area medical school/hospital presumably so that he would be available for use by medical students. My mother was told that they would keep the body for about 15 months and then he would be cremated, and his remains returned to her.  Of course, that 15 month timeframe put the potential release of my father’s remains right smack into the early days of Covid when all schools were shut, or employing remote teaching only, and hospitals were overwhelmed with keeping ill people alive and not concerned with keeping track of medical school cadavers.

We have neither seen nor heard anything about my father’s remains since!  He’s lost somewhere in the bowels of the medical school. 

We know that my father would find this situation amusing and my mother and all five of her children certainly think it’s funny. One of the benefits of trying to keep track of an elderly person who is already dead is that there is no need to worry about them; they’re already dead!  I asked my mother recently if there were any updates on this situation; her response: “I was just thinking about that.  Still waiting. I guess I’d better check back with them.”  It’s obviously not top of mind for her.  She’s 91; at some point she’s going to end up there too.  At least they’ll be together.

I live near the medical school/hospital where he is located and I keep envisioning wandering over there, knocking on the door and having the following conversation:

Staff:  Can I help you?

Me: I’m looking for my Father.

Staff: Which ward is he admitted to or what floor is he on?

Me: The dead ward; probably in the basement.

While we hope to get him back so that we can honor the completion of his end of life wishes, no one in my family is upset about not being able to find  Dad; we think it’s a funny story.  He wasn’t going to be buried in a cemetery so there was no plot of land, casket and headstone waiting for him and we had already accepted that there was never the option of a permanent place to visit him.  Maybe they’ll find him some day and wonder who this person was who has been sitting in the cadaver basement for years.  I’m sure that the disruption to the normal medical school class flow due to Covid is what caused this.

He chose to make a contribution to medical school training and we hope that the knowledge gained by the students who were working on his body will help all of us in the future!  He lives on in the treasured memories we hold of him that reside in our hearts and minds. 

If we find him I’ll let you know!

Working from home is great, until your cat vomits on your computer, or your kid comes to your home office while you are making a presentation, excited to tell you what he did in school. And across the street, your neighbor, who you can only guess is working on a time machine, begins firing up all their power tools at once constantly all day. Many professionals have found that remote work has become a necessity rather than a luxury as a result of COVID-19. However, this begs the question: Which atmosphere is more favorable for productivity – the home office or the office setting? When it comes to getting genuine, heads-down work done in the office, your coworkers are frequently the most serious danger to your productivity. They come by your desk, strike up a discussion with you, and then invite you to lunch. When it comes to social benefits, it’s good to have them, but they might become a challenge when you’re easily sidetracked. 

However, while family members might be a distraction at the home office, I have found that it is simple to become one’s own worst enemy when working from home. Because you aren’t surrounded by employees, you are free to let go of those worrisome embarrassments. No one is looking in on me at my home office. You may not feel the same level of peer pressure or sense of communal need to complete tasks as others. (In addition, you are not required to wear pants). Below are some ways that have helped me, and I hope will help you, to balance work and life when working from home. 

1. Create a schedule and set boundaries 

• This helps your team because they know exactly when they can and cannot reach you, and you’ll be able to plan personal activities during your day outside of work, wake up and go to bed at the same time every day, and work a manageable number of hours. 

2. Use communication tools to indicate your online and offline hours 

• Once you’ve determined a daily schedule that makes sense for you and your team, use different tools to publicize that schedule so your team members are mindful and respectful of that time. 
• Set your Microsoft Teams availability so you don’t receive notifications before or after a certain time of day. If you indicate your working hours on Outlook Calendar, you can automatically decline events taking place outside of your daily schedule. 

3. Use personal activities to take breaks throughout the day 

• To help balance work and life, you can use personal errands to break up your day when you need to take a couple of minutes away from your desk or computer. You’ll be able to take breaks from work that are still productive and help you get personal tasks done, perhaps getting in some exercise or mentally recharging. 

4. Make plans for after work hours to help balance fatigue 

• After work, make plans and stick to them. If you have something planned for the end of the workday, such as happy hour drinks with a buddy or an exercise class, you’re more likely to sign off and stop working. 

*Always confirm your schedule approach with your team and manager, ensuring you’re able to work your hours and deliver assignments as expected with colleagues.